At least do the quiz at the end if you don't want to read the whole thing haha

I don't know what's going on anymore. Or rather, I've realized I never knew, not really. There were a few things I thought I was sure about, but now that's all out the window.

If you asked me a month ago about God I'd reply "I'm Atheist." because we don't have a whole lot of proof.

Now I know that I've been sheltered my whole life. I never gave religion a chance. If my dad wasn't as Atheist as Tyra Banks is crazy then maybe I would have been raised differently. One ordinary day mom requested that I pray for someone (she asks this a lot) and I stated "Mom it makes me uncomfortable when you say things like that, you know I don't believe in God." She looked hurt for a moment, but at the same time it felt like the right thing to do. I only ever enter a church for a chamber choir concert, I've never read the bible, why would she expect me to pray on a daily basis?

But I've come to the conclusion that there was always a little part of me that thought "If there is a God, I don't want to offend him by not believing." because that's how my mind works. I think of others first. After Ronette died I cried for weeks. I clearly remember me saying "Please, God, she deserved so much more than this. Make sure she's happy and safe in heaven. Thank you so much."

I always wondered what came over me. I would always "pray" for a loved one when they passed away, but the rest of my life I pretended as if he didn't exist. But I certainly don't want him to retract his blessings on Cunie and Sophie and Dede and Bootsie and Papa and Allen and Ronette and all the wonderful beings that are missed, so a small part of me will always believe. I'd much rather protect those who I love and believe in something that may or may not exist than curse them because I'm too ignorant to even consider that God may be real.

r.i.p.

I hope in my life I experience several different spiritualities and religions, maybe even find one that's right for me.

Another thing I'm confused about is love.

I'm quite confident that most high school relationships move too quickly. Maturity hasn't fully set in, and two people start saying "I love you" meaning "I'm in love with you" shortly after they start a relationship, or even right after they start dating. Friendships are formed that create a foundation for love that they build upon since we're always around the same people.

But many students don't realize the difference between love, infatuation, and lust, which leads to downfall in several relationships.

I'm a believer in don't start a romantic relationship with someone unless you can consider marrying the person, or at least spending the rest of your life with him/her. At the same time I think that people's minds and views and desires are always changing, and seem to plateau after they've matured to their personal, full extent.

I also don't believe in sex before love. I'm grateful for pre-marital sex, otherwise I wouldn't be here, but in all honesty my parents certainly weren't in love when I was conceived. I was accident, and now I'm just a really lucky bastard. Literally. If I hadn't come into the picture my parents wouldn't have dated for more than a couple months. They're just two different people that didn't work out. I feel bad, because my parents don't get along, but they put up with each other for my sake. They even feign friendship when we're with company, and I thank them for that. What they've done is incredibly self-less.

This leads to another point. Abortion. I value life, I'm a friggen vegan, and if I did someday get pregnant before I was ready I probably would keep what could possibly turn into a baby, just because it might have a chance. Contrarily, I'm pro-choice.

Mom told me a story about when she was in school several decades ago. A popular girl stole her boyfriend and she ended up pregnant because of it. Abortion was outlawed in America and several other countries at the time, so the boyfriend's family had to pay the girl lots of money so she could fly to Japan, have the operation, and fly back.

My mum was going to abort me, but two days before she decided against it. She felt that I was special. I'm not sure if I lived up to her or anybody's standards, in fact I'm pretty sure I haven't and won't until I'm older, but the point is that if she had doubt in her mind while on a plane to Asia she probably would have gone through with the operation for all the hassle she had gone through and I wouldn't be here blogging at 2 in the morning.

It's kind of hard for me to not be pro-choice. The last thing I want to do is be ungrateful for what I was blessed with.

But I think that making love is one of the most intimate things you can do with someone, why would you want to do this with someone you don't fully care about? Isn't that like cheating love? I'm scared that someday I won't be strong enough, that I'll be pressured and I'll go against my views because I'm afraid of loss and rejection. Hopefully this won't happen, but it's a definite possibility, and I can already see myself regretting how much of a wimpy pushover I am.

I admire chivalry, and having the courage to do what's right. Like Gryffindor, but for real. Because we all know Hermione probably should've been in Ravenclaw, but she was one of those lucky souls that could've fit into two houses so that there'd be a popular series to make millions. That's why Giligan never made a boat to get off the island.

I'm always in friggen Hufflepuff. What's up with that? I'm not smart, not brave, not cunning, so I was put in the reject house. The "wellll since you're already here you can stay, but you kinda suck" house. It wouldn't be as fail-tastic if someone else was sorted accordingly, just given the circumstances it makes it seem like I wouldn't fit in Hogwarts at all. haha

http://www.thealmightyguru.com/Reviews/HarryPotter/Docs/Quiz-House.html

What'd everyone else get? Anybody join me in the loyal, dependable, hardworking ranks? :)