This Summer

I really just want to live in the woods

At least for a little while

?

I don't know what to do.

I've always viewed myself as either a humble or undeserving person. I never assume that I'm equal to everyone else, because I'm not, so I was surprised to have a certain thought pop into my head a few days ago.

I think Will likes me.

I then felt like an awful person. There's no possible way that could happen, I'm not a good enough person to deserve anything of the sort.

Then the next day instead of sitting next to Nate, his best friend, he sat next to me. I invited Nate to sit at our table, since now he was by himself, but he just smiled and shook his head.

I think the world needs more people like Nate.

Will continued to drop little hints here and there, always saying hi to me, sitting next to me during the meetings and ASL and whatnot.

After the gym I drove home and got my homework out, so obviously I went on facebook.

Will commented on a photo of mine twice, saying I was the "best" and the "cutest". Then he posted on my wall several times. Then he posted a status saying "Cant wait for sgining cuz my favoritest person in the whole worlds there shes also the nicest person!"

I'm the only girl in the class. :/ As sweet, flattering, and utterly aww-inspring as that is, he's a little young. I really like him, but as a friend.

By the way I had an absolutely lovely day at Walden Pond! I got to know Nick pretty well, and he's probably one of my favorite people ever!!! I was in a group with him and Rhiannon, and the contrast between my opinions of each of them was...wow.

Nick is a thinker, a very mature philosopher.

Rhiannon thinks she's mature, but she's far from it. She's got a lot of growing to do, which hopefully will come in time.

It pains me that she doesn't like the people I absolutely adore, like Landon, Jamie...and Zeb (she can't stand him). She's rather pessimistic, and I guess that just doesn't mesh with me. It seems there are more people at the school she dislikes than likes, it's the complete opposite for me.

But Nick is wonderful. :) He and Zeb are best friends. I had a very joyous time talking to him, and during public policy, after everybody else left, Zeb played some music for me. Ahhhh <3

I'm not sure why I even bother trying to stay on topic, it never works.

I feel really selfish for posting this, but I guess I just really needed to tell someone, or something.

Thanks guys, I guess I'll just have to play the Will thing by ear.

Sweet dreams all you lovelies!

To clarify

To who it may concern, I'm fascinated with several students at The New School. I like to express my feelings and observations about these uniquely wonderful people in the form of stories and blogs. I've realized I've been talking a lot about one in particular and none of the others. Please allow me to explain, and possibly redeem myself?

Nick is unusual. He's hilarious in his own, distinct way. I've honestly never met anyone like him. He doesn't force himself. It just happens. Flora is convinced he's an alien. Some would call him "strange", but that doesn't have the right connotation. Nick thinks differently than the rest of us. He dreams of being a bird. He's an absolutely fantastic writer, and I dare say an even better artist. Plus, he's left-handed.

I can't describe him the way I would like to, he's one of those peculiar cases that you may only meet once in you entire life. I feel so fortunate to be able to say "Hi, Nick!" upon entering all but one of my classes. (ASL, he takes Chinese, but since he's in that with Haley and Anthony they usually skip)

The reason I don't write about Nick is difficult for me to explain. There's no possible way I could convey his personality, his tone of voice, his thinking process. I would fail. I already have, he deserves better.

Nick's just one person. One, very unusual, person.

Another is Jade. And Haley. And Gordy. And JOEY AND CODY!!

The list is quite long, I don't have the attention span to name all of them, but I've realized that writing about Zeb is the easiest. For example:

On Thursday he was totally wired. He said he felt like he took adderall that morning, but didn't. At one point he was about to pull down his pants to show us one of his scars. He had already unzipped them by the time we convinced him otherwise.

It's more fun to write about little scenarios like this. If I could write more about the rest of them I would, but I'm not sure I can.

Just wanted to let you guys know.

Meringue time!

Today was a roller coaster. And it shouldn't have been, I let the little things bring me up and down.

My day started off quite nice by imagining myself at an underwater concert where Colton (more on him later), Nick, Zeb, and some unidentifiable new-schoolians were performing onstage. Shirtless.

But for some reason I could only hear "You'll be in my Heart." Yeah, the Phil Collins version from Tarzan. Don't worry, I know I'm cool.

I had a Phil Collins shower jam, and I'm not erasing that. I'm making a pact to not use the backspace button for the rest of the post starting now. If I mess up spelling...oh God this is gonna be good.

So I was up! But then I went down when I realized it was raining and I had to bring two posters to school. I forgot to get myself a lunch, so I had to do an impromptu pantry scrounge. Plus when we left for school the clock in the kitchen is slow and said 8:59. :/

Then I went up because the teachers were in a meeting and started class fifteen minutes late. I did well on the quiz we took, and when Christine asked everybody else "What are you going to do differently next week so you guys ace the quiz?" Gordy replied "Copy off Sara?" :)

Down...down to the pits of room 2, where I spent two hours attempting to figure out a logic puzzle Ross (the teacher) gave us. I had to start over in the middle, and I still didn't finish by the time lunch was over. I felt like a failure, I've always loved those kinds of puzzles, I didn't know why I couldn't figure it out. Then I had a moment of weakness. I hate to admit this, but for a split second I was jealous. I saw Joey (I love her!) sitting in the art room, and she was drawing a really pretty picture. I wished I could take art & photography instead of New Kids Class. Then I heard Zeb say "Really? Wow, you're so intense!" I felt bad. I know Joey doesn't like him (Cody's views on him are rubbing off on her, ps they're going out now :]), and I'd never heard him speak so enthusiastically to a girl before.

I can't believe I was stupid enough to let that get me. It's just a silly, childish infatuation, it's not like I want to marry the guy, I don't even have a "crush", if you will. It's not my fault that he happens to be so unique. And if I really wanted to become better at art I need to take some initiative. I've just never took any art classes that weren't required at public school because I've always felt like an inadequate artist. I think it'd be different in a place where people don't judge you, but who knows. I certainly don't. Yet.

I was kinda bummed for the rest of the class because of the puzzle I couldn't complete. It turns out that it was flawed, Ross couldn't even do it. That didn't help, though, because I forced myself into isolation so I could work while everybody gave up in the first ten minutes and just socialized. But I was stubborn, or determined, whatever connotation you prefer, and wasted two hours of my life thinking about Michael Devlin getting an ace of spades tattoo on his chest, and how John came before the friend who got his ankle tattooed (that's kinda a girl thing haha), and that one of the last names is Fair, which was incredibly frustrating considering it wasn't mentioned in the clues at all.

This no backspace thing is forming lovely run-ons.

In class we had a conversation about how we're all underclassmen except for Gordy. Then I laughed, because I'm the only senior in the class, but no one seemed to catch on. It's becoming apparent to me that no matter how many times I deny rumors, people believe I'm twelve and just abnormally smart for my age. When I said "I'm seventeen." all six of them snapped their heads in my direction. They thought I was a frosh...I was beginning to wonder if anybody knew I was a senior.

Then after class I cleaned the kitchen, having to put away all the clean dishes, rinse and re-load dirty dishes, disinfect the counters/tables, sweep the floor, check on the plants, and put up the chairs, all without the help of Cody or Nick. I guess neither of them come to school on Wednesdays. It was just me and Noah.

When I was getting close to leaving (fifteen minutes after everybody else got done cleaning) Zeb comes in with an empty bowl and fork. A part of me expected him to just dump his stuff in the sink and leave, but instead he rinsed off the crap I would've had to scrub and placed it in the open dishwasher. I thanked him, because most people had just been letting me and Noah do all the work.

Zeb seemed surprised, but smiled all the same. I asked him about art class, and he said it was good. He asked what I was doing here, "Do you have an apprenticeship or something?" "Nah, I have New Kid's Class." "Really? They make you take that even though you're a senior?"

<3

That was probably the highlight of my day. After thoroughly trying to convince some sophomores and frosh that I was in fact a senior (and failing badly), it was really nice to have someone who believed me. It turns out he was in a great mood.

Then Rhiannon came in and started making a mess, and as I thought "I just cleaned that" Zeb looked at her, picked up his stuff, and left for the door. I made sure to slip in a "Bye, Zeb!" before the door closed. It opened again and he said "Bye, Sara!" before really leaving.

I've become accustomed to having a reputation at the school. I'm "the nice one", I say hi and bye to people that I may or may not know well, always say thank you after the teacher hands out some papers, etc. so this wasn't a big deal, but I take pride in having an open mind. Almost everybody at the school thinks he's a spoiled jerk (I understand that he has a mac book pro and an Audi, so he must have some money, but it's not like he rubs it in anybody's face), but I like that I act friendly to him and he does the same to me. It's like having a truly special place where you can always go that no one else appreciates, but people would if they actually looked around. If they opened their eyes.

I love those kinds of places.

I couldn't get much higher, even after dad and I went parallel parking practicing. (PPP haha) I'm going for my license on Tuesday the 13th. Maybe that's why people thought I was young, because I still don't have that yet...

I had my first ballroom dancing class tonight. It was fun! I love dancing. We worked on the meringue. The only people who signed up all happened to be from the school (it's a community class taught in the big room). It was me, Colton, Josh, and the other red-headed, vegetarian Sara. She and Josh are going out, so my partner was Colton.

Colton Stacy: Acts just like his brother, ADHD kid, always finds an opportunity to make an idiot out of himself and be proud of it, catchphrase (that we hear every few minutes): "RUGGED!"

I found myself sometimes nervous that I would start laughing at him, sometimes excited to actually be dancing, and sometimes wishing we were moving faster, but all in all I had a great time. For about two minutes I danced with Josh because our teacher made us switch partners, but I felt awkward for dancing with Sara's boyfriend, who happened to be carrying a knife and not wearing shoes, like everybody else at the school. haha

My backspace key needs some lovin'. I just wrote a bunch of random letters and erased them, but you couldn't see, so I'm telling you now. Trust me, the key is now satisfied.

Thank you, Phil Collins. You'll be in my heart, too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQJh-oU0M9Y

YAADA and my German!

On Friday there wasn't any school. The teachers decided that going to the common ground fair on Sunday and Monday counted for credit and told us to take Friday off. Rhiannon and I went to a YAADA training session for eight hours yesterday and four hours today. YAADA stands for Young Adults Against Dating Abuse. It was very informative, I'm glad I went. Rhiannon didn't actually go to the fair, but our school is so liberal that they count the training as her going to school.

Friday was lots of information while Saturday was a presentation on how to give a presentation. In hindsight it's quite humorous, but at the time I couldn't stop thinking about how I had to wake up early on the weekend. The point was to convey awareness to your school by doing some type of an event, and they were telling us how to advertise for such an event.

In public school that would be a lot of work and lots of kids still probably wouldn't hear about it. At TNS you could tell a couple friends and the whole school would know in ten minutes.

There's a lightning storm outside and it's magnificent.

So after the training was over I had a couple hours to myself before I went to the school. Rhiannon, Murphy, Sarah Brockway +her mom and sister, and I rode up in her van to greet the Germans at the airport! Dad went up in his van and Marylyn drove the honking 14 passenger van that moves to the right when you brake.

Murphy had never been to the Portland Jetport. You haven't lived until you've gone there. It's such a big airport, it rivals O'Hare, and it's so luxurious. You go from the dank parking garage to the smoker-infested entrance to that one little food stand run by someone who can barely speak English. Hence, Murphy had not lived yet. Now she's living.

There are three guys and five girls...I think. My German's name is Kristin, Rhiannon's likes to be called by her middle name (Melody), Haley's is Christine (sp?), Landon's is Steph (the Barbie looking one), and Cody's is Johanna. Cody currently has both Johanna and Johanna. Thank God we call her Joey, otherwise that mess would be complete chaos. Then Josh's is Kai, and the Brockways have both Simon and Jannis.

Kristin is so nice, she brought chocolates and gummies and postcards and a cookbook all from Germany! I broke the vegan rule and had some chocolate, it was sooo good. German chocolate = almost as delicious as Zac Lounsbury, and that's saying something. ;)

By the way we often refer to the Germans as objects. Common phrases are "Where's your German?", "I lost the German.", and "What would the German do?".

jnkeahoud all the girls are really pretty and fashionable because they're European and that means they're all around better. They make me feel less than super. haha but that's okay! I don't know the guys very well, but they're also quite stylish.

Ahh...Europe. How I miss thee.

Expect fewer blogs during the next couple of weeks, with less quality written by a very sleepy Sara who should've done her homework before now. Darn. Tomorrow's going to be a busy day. I...really should get to bed.

Sorry about the awful blog. Good night, pleasant dreams, hope all is well.

ps I've rather fallen in love with Owl City. And Sedona Journal totally changed the way they do the horoscopes! :( oh well, I can't complain, last week was good at least. I had fun.

Love you

:) :) :) <3

This morning I brought in vegan, gluten-free pancakes with maple syrup. Christine brought lots of fruit, wheat-free granola (she's so sweet!) and yogurt. Our advisory had breakfast, and both Joey and Connor told me my food was good.

Self-esteem: 4

Then we talked about Solutions. It's the committee that deals with all the issues between people and the school itself. Zeb and Rhiannon were the only two remaining members of Solutions because all the others had either graduated or left the school. This meant we had to have an election.

We decided that the people who were running in our advisory were Landon, Zeb, Zach, and myself. I had a feeling I wouldn't make it because I'm a new kid, but all six of them reassured me that I would be great for the job.

Self-esteem: 16

We had to pick one person who would represent our advisory and then any other candidates would run for the "vote at large" category (this means the whole school votes, not just your advisory). We brainstormed strategies and agreed that I would be in the at large category because I would win anyway. "You're so likeable".

Self-esteem: 28

The others who were running talked about why they would be good on Solutions. Landon was on the committee half of last year, then quit because it was so dysfunctional. He seems like a really good guy, so I think he'd do well. He said he wouldn't mind if he didn't get on, but he'd rather be on the committee than not.

I've come to think Zeb is misunderstood. When he get brought up in discussion I usually describe him as musical, funny, skillful, unique, beautiful, etc. but others say he's spoiled, a slacker, absent 99.9% of the time, and several negative descriptions I believe are false. They also say he smells, which leads me to think they're not giving him a chance. I don't think he smells, even if he occasionally wears the same shirt twice or more days in a row. haha

Either I'm an optimistic person who focuses on the positive or I'm an oblivious person who doesn't notice these things. The point is I like him, most people dislike him, he's misunderstood and as a result is hardly involved in the school (he seems to feel excluded except in Solutions), and unless he rallies up votes during advisory, chances are he's not going to be reelected. Zeb represents the people who don't usually have a say, and I think that's important. Plus he's very motivated, Solutions is his only real tie to the "extra-curricular" part of the school. We need people who want to do their job, that attribute would have saved Solutions from falling apart last year.

Zach...I don't know what he was thinking. He's a nice guy, but rather slow and not particularly open-minded. He said, "I've never been on Solutions before and I'm a senior, and I think it'd be cool." That was his argument. Needless to say Zach didn't garner any votes from the six of us.

This was all during advisory (the first half hour of the day). During the meeting at the end of the day we all went back to our advisories and discussed this more. Most other groups had either picked their representative or were close to doing this. We had barely stuck our toe in the water.

As a side note, I adore awkwardly placed sayings and phrases. They remind me of Mr. Lewia, and his uncanny ability to fearlessly say whatever came to his mind, whether it was "back to the ranch", "don't make a mountain our of a molehill", or my personal favorite "you blow and I'll do the fingering".

After an accumulated hour of persuasion, criticism, and a suggested maple syrup chugging contest, we decided on an anonymous ballot vote. Connor decided not to participate and Christine abstained from casting her teacher-tainted vote, so it was just the five of us voting (me, Joey <3,>

I decided to vote for Zeb, because I knew Landon would win the vote at large because he's loved by almost everyone. Landon didn't need the sure-fire victory. I was pleasantly surprised to see Zach vote for Landon instead of himself. I thought this was very mature of him, but critics would probably say "if you don't think you're the best qualified then why are you running?". The votes were tallied, and it was 3-2. Landon got three votes (from Zach, Joey, and himself) and Zeb got two. I knew it was a long shot, but I sincerely hoped that Zeb and I could both win the vote at large. He deserves it more than I do.

We go into the big room (I love the names we have) and the four advisory representatives are listed on the board: Rhiannon, Sara H, Jenna, and Landon. I'm happy with Jenna and Landon, but I think Rhiannon might be too close-minded and merciless to do an effective job. Sara H was elected because no one wanted anything to do with it from their advisory so she half-heartedly signed up and got in by default. It worries me that there will be someone on the team who not only doesn't ever talk but doesn't want to be there, when my advisory was full of people who really wanted to be on the team.

Tim was facilitating the meeting, and he asked the people who were running for the vote at large to raise their hands. Zeb and I did so, and for a second my system was filled with complete and overwhelming excitement. We were the only ones, no one would have to lose. Then Will tentatively raised his hand, and Noah nominated Jade. Connor felt bad that Zach didn't get any votes in advisory so he nominated Zach to make him feel better. Some people wanted to nominate Nate Bennett, since he was absent at his grandmother's funeral, because he's so nice and caring, but his best friend Will (the same one who's running) said he tried to convince him to run twice but Nate didn't want to be a part of it.

It turns out Jade really likes her committee (the thrift store) and had no intention of running, even though she'd be GREAT. I love her, she's wonderful. <3

That left the nominees to Zach, Will, Zeb, and myself.

The way the voting is structured is rather confusing. You give four points to one person, three to another, two to someone else, and one miserable point to whoever's left. I was scared that Will was going to win; I like him a lot and I'm pretty sure many others feel the same way. I then thought Zach would probably beat Zeb, just because Zach has more friends and unfortunately life turns into a popularity contest at all the wrong moments.

I gave four points to Zeb, three to me, two to Will, and one to Zach. I figured that out of the three of them I wanted Zeb to win the most, so I gave four points to the underdog. I gave the least to the people I thought would be him. Then the three point slot was the only thing left, so I ended up there by default. I wasn't intentionally being selfish.

Twenty minutes later, after we discussed fundraising and the Germans who are arriving on Saturday, the votes were tallied. Marylyn (our principal) said there's a problem. "First, Sara got in for sure,"

Self-esteem: 7r6354trejke98 billion

"but there's a tie between Zeb and Zach."

I was shocked. My heart was racing, I really wanted Solutions to be at its best. I was so thankful that I got in, but I couldn't think about that now. The only thing running though my hyperactive mind was the question "Who would win?"

Christine asked Zeb and Zach to go to the art room. Zeb donned his skateboard and Connor said "Watch out, Zach, he's armed!". I love my school. It's so liberal. Everyone carries pocketknives, there's always someone who's barefoot, and it's perfectly acceptable to skateboard inside.

We were told to close our eyes and raise our hand when either Zach or Zeb's name was called. I heard a shuffling of arms moving when Zach's name was said and I got nervous. After everyone had voted Marylyn said "Open your eyes".

My heart broke. A large red circle had been drawn around Zach's name. The two boys returned and both seemed to be good sports about it. After the meeting was over I hugged Zeb and said sorry. He knew I was voting for him. He said it was fine and congratulated me. For the record he didn't smell. :)

The only thing that bugs me is that Zach didn't get a single vote from our advisory and was nominated out of pity. It's like playing with fate. But oh well, everything happens for a reason, I guess. Zeb is the alternate in case someone gets mono and is out for a month, at least. He gets to go through the training with us and seemed pleased about this.

Later I was cleaning with Cody in the kitchen when I expressed my sympathy for Zeb. Cody said "Don't be, sweetheart. I opened my eyes during the voting, you and Jenna were the only ones who voted for him."

Way to go, Jenna! She's awesome, I'm glad she's on Solutions. Too bad we were the only ones...

Even though Zeb didn't get picked I was still incredibly happy that I got elected. I got lots of hugs and claps on the shoulder, and I skipped to the car on the way out of school. I couldn't help it. To be surrounded by people who liked me, to have the confidence that I was doing something right was so new and exhilarating. I loved it. I felt happy. I felt whole.

I felt at home.

And to top it all off I'm starting a new book (I just finished The Perks of Being a Wallflower, now I'm on one Christine's letting me borrow called The Memory Keeper's Daughter), dad just bought me The Beatles Rock Band and the new Kingdom Hearts game (358/2 Days) which makes my heart sing. Plus I don't have school tomorrow since I volunteered at the Common Ground fair, which was fabulous. Thanks to Timmy for letting me borrow his sleeping bag! <3

Life is good, thank you everyone for being great and always supporting me. I love you guys so much.

Vegan hugs and kisses for all!